Why is Goodbye so hard?

Our summer vacation is coming to an end, and we will begin our journey home soon. As I drive around town I take in every little detail. Who lived in which house, the restaurant that has changed several times over the 20 years, the school where I attended my first dance. Each one of those things holds a smile. I have begun realizing this house that I grew up in will soon be transformed and ready for another family to grow in it, and for some reason that pains me.

Today, I went through the last drawer in the house that hasn't been shuffled or changed or dumped in the transformation since my Mom left to go to the hospital back in November. It was sad. I sat there alone (thank goodness), and touched every piece of misc. junk placing them gently in the Goodwill box or the trash box. Silly, I know. It was the "fix it" drawer, and there must have been stuff dating back to the early 80's or at least as long as I can remember... Labels, hooks, screw driver, hammer... It's silly to say good bye to a stupid junk drawer, but I realized it was more than that... I was saying goodbye to a life and remembering good times. It's hard to say goodbye. Hard to let go or familiar things. I keep thinking that now there is nothing to come home to... Someone will eventually move in, and this house will become theirs. I wonder if they will have kids (more than likely they will), and if their child will put their bed in the corner of the room so that they can look out and see the stars in the North West corner of the world. And gaze at the trees as they blow and change color in the Fall. The swing set is gone; so is the crab apple tree both victims of time and age but the cement footing is still there. I thought saying goodbye the first time was hard, but the second time is 10 times worse. It rushes you will all kinds of emotions and memories.

Today, appreciate what is around you. Nothing is guaranteed tomorrow. But be warned, life does offer second chances, but sometimes to appreciate it, you have to walk through the pain and the memories. And while they are wonderful, you may have to say good bye. My recommendation... Go forward, one step at a time, hang on for the ride and enjoy it! Good byes are HARD, but life is for the living and the moment. I hope many memories are made here. That is what both my parents would want... Me too! So I'll hide a note behind the dry wall... Maybe one day the new family here will find it while they transform and realize that they aren't alone and that I too had to say goodbye. And change isn't always so bad...

Goodbyes are hard! I don't know why, but they are really hard!

Behind...

I know I know... I have been bad. Bear with me... I'm juggling two households of which one is undergoing MAJOR rennovations and I'm in school and the boys... and cubscout camp, and... You get the picture. Phew! I am thoroughly enjoying the beach though... I'm envious of those who are here permanently, and wish I could be here too for more than a few weeks. I think many of you have seen the pictures on FB. What a wonderful busy time we are having... My initial intention was to get the house back into shape and then me second agenda was to let the kids experience what it was like when I was growing up... Of course the neighborhood isn't bussling with kids like it used to. :( But the boys are enjoying romping the backyard and the beach... And of course all of the boats and sailing and the harbor... Yep the museums and the pool... OK, now do you see why I haven't had time to blog? LOL It's been bliss!!!!

I did manage to convince Mark that we need to come home here to retire. :) Well if we don't stay in this house, at least some place with a dock where we can drop a boat and have margaritas by the water. :) I feel free near the sea... Toss your cares to the waves and let the ocean absorb your worries. Lay in the warm sand dunes and stare at the stars... OK by the time Mark retires I really don't want either of my boys laying in any sand dunes... LOL ;-)

So... I can't promise I will write more frequently... I guess the best bet is to wait until we return to our life down South... :) Until then remember to let those you care about know how much you love them and enjoy the time God has given you!

Life is good!!!!

After the intermission

Well, if saying goodbye isn't enough the first time... Wow! The second time is WAY harder! Better yet... Throw in a holiday and then you have a real mess! Ugh! Don't get me wrong... I love love love it here, but it has really been wonderful to be at full capacity!!! Things just seem like they roll a little better. And now it's back to me.

Just to get a flavor for those who have never gone through it... It's kinda like eating icecream everyday and then you go to the freezer and you forgot to buy a new tub of that yummy delicious flavor... You aren't mad, but your are disappointed that today you will have to choose something else. Being married to the military is kinda like that... You aren't mad when your spouse has to leave, but it's just a change.

I think about how quiet it will be at night here, and how lonely the bed will be without my best friend there to recount the day with me. I also think about how much work still needs to be done here and how it would be nice to just sit and watch tv with M.

So here's to some lonely times... We'll rebound though... I know we will. And this too shall pass.