New Years Resolutions... Yes or No?

Several of my friends have posted New Years Resolutions on their Facebook page. I'm a little conflicted about this. I do intend to make some changes in 2012, but I'm not sure I want to tag it as a resolution since resolutions seems to be short lived.

I have been telling myself I am setting goals rather than resolutions. Goals you can measure; where resolutions are more general. I promise to be a better person... How do you know? Do I include the 20 plus hours of volunteer time toward that resolution? I don't know? I have decided that goals are better and have to include something measurable. For example, I am working on losing weight over the next 6 months. I've decided that I will lose approximately 3 pounds/ month. Yeah, I know that doesn't sound like much, but it's a healthy start, and the important thing is that I'm not only losing weight, I'm getting healthy off the couch and moving. With that goal in mind, I'm set myself up with a Beach Body Coach that one I am accountable to and two will help me if I get into a "funk". I also have scheduled (yet I actually made a calendar) my gym/ work out time. No more excuses of I don't have time. I've put it on the calendar and just like work I have set myself up to commit that time to working out.

I can't really say my resolution for 2012 is to lose weight... I feel more confident in saying my goal for 2012 is to lose 3 pounds/ month. So what do you do? Do you resolve to do something in 2012 or do you have a goal for 2012?

It's Okay to Grieve

It's been three years since my Mom passed away. I still remember that day as if it were yesterday. I even remember the neighbor down the street calling to see if my oldest could come down and play. Santa brought a Wii for our family, and I had come down with the worst stomach bug EVER! My Mom's death wasn't a surprise. She had been diagnosed with cancer the year before and they had only given her 6 months to live. She lived much longer than the 6 months she was given, and in good spirits and good times. It wasn't until the last 4 months of her life that things began to slip and quickly at that.

I live with the guilt that I wasn't there as she passed. I wasn't there to hold her hand as she crossed over to Heaven. My Mom was always there for me... I still feel incredibly guilty that I wasn't there to hold her hand. I pray it wasn't scary and that she forgives me for being away. With Mark gearing up for a deployment and no child care for my boys, I just couldn't get there, and my Mom made me promise that the boys wouldn't see her die. I really didn't know what to do?

Today her loss impacts me significantly. There are so many times when I wish I could give her a call and just "Blah! Blah! Blah!" about whatever. I know people tell me to just go ahead and talk, but it isn't the same as when your Mom commiserates or offers a friendly tip.  I know Mom is around me, but sometimes I just long for that shoulder to cry on or that gentle hand to pat me on the back. It's amazing what a touch can do or the sound of a loved ones voice.

Facebook and Social Media always get the best of me when I see posts about Mom's and Dad's. I am so envious that my Mom isn't here and that theirs is. I have to be honest, I get so mad at God for taking my Mom away that I want to just spit! Why did he take her??? I don't wish for my Mom to have traded places with anyone else's Mom, but why did he take my Mom? She was too young to die. She had too many people who loved her to die! I understand that our lives are not meant to be on earth forever, and that we learn lessons and graduate on, but death is so permanent especially for those left behind.

So today I want to grieve, and it's okay to do that. I don't need to be perked up or inspiration. I just want to wallow in my sadness for one day, and "cry in my beer." I miss my best friend. No one will replace her. I miss you my dearest friend!!! I love you!

December... December... Where did you go? I can't believe it is Christmas already!

I'm sitting here in the 5 minutes of peace on Christmas Day reflecting on the last 30 days. I can say that "We made it!" with few bumps along the way, and it seems that everything is falling into place and settling in nicely. 

Oh... Did I forget to say that over the last 30 days we have been prepping for and actually engaging in another PCS (Permanent Change in Station). These moves always suck during the holidays! If you aren't scrambling enough trying to make cookies and buy presents  or actually trying to enjoy the season; you throw in a move which entails a sea of boxes, sad good byes, and a tailspin of trying to keep up with everything. This move was a bit unconventional. You see in the past, we have had my Mom to help us. She has been our intermediate step to keep things sane until after the holidays. When we moved to Europe, she let us camp at her house through the New Year. We mailed our presents to her and she wrapped them and kept them hidden until Christmas Eve (Bless her heart). With Mom's passing in 2008, we've (mostly I)  had a huge void in our lives (especially for me in the sanity department). I think she would have been proud of us though. Like I mentioned above, we made it through relatively unscathed. I am sure she has been watching over us carefully or nudging our guardian angels to really keep an eye out for us. :)  

I have to admit, this move was not something I wanted to engage in and both M and I fought it tooth an nail. You see it is a short tour, so we are only here for 6 months. Six months means uprooting your family and packing 12,500 pounds of HHG (household goods) to live some place for only a minute and then do it all again. That is no fun, let me tell you! Not to mention having to go through goodbyes AGAIN which for the boys and I are hard.

Our new base has treated us very well! Our neighbors are very friendly and there must be two dozen boys ranging in ages close to C and B's ages. Since we moved in a week ago, the boys have been outside stopping through the woods playing from sun up to sun down. (I have dreamed of this day for so long!) Our house is large too. We are one of the smaller families on our street with 5 of us; most of the other families have 7 plus people in their homes. We love it though! Just for Christmas we has Santa ride through our neighborhood with the local police department, and some of our neighbors banded together to go carolling. Both fun activities and it really made me feel like the base and the community cares.

We are slowing unpacking our stuff... Who am I kidding? We had 99% of our boxes unpacked within 3 days of receiving them. (I guess M was tired of living out of a suitcase. Ha ha ha). I have to admit if I never see, "Misc." on a box again I will be one happy lady! I've also started my strategy for our next pack up... I will label where things are to go so that they arrive in the right room at our next assignment, and minus, "Misc." Ha ha ha... Hopefully anyway!

I'm still in awe that within the last 30 days we have lived in our house in Texas with furniture, our house in Texas without furniture, a cabin on base, 2 different hotels, a cottage at our current base and our new house. We lived in these places and we didn't kill each other, and we only had a few melt downs (mainly over people we miss).  I think I'm going to like it here. I have some big plans for myself over the next few months and my goals have been set to attain those plans. And in 6 months... I hope our move goes as smoothly again! :)


Pictures of our fun along the way. :)

Packing up is fun!

Cabins with swings are even more fun!

In a small town near our cabin in Texas, we made glass ornaments for Christmas. This is C's.

Lunch along the way!!! Yum!

 Our new home.

Wooo... I'm taking 10!

I HATE MOVING! I think that phrase should be bold, in the biggest font with blinky lights because I can't emphasize it enough! Ha ha ha... Well, we are a mobile Army family, so moving is practically the name of the game. This time we are moving for 6 months and then we move again. Yeah, really... It's gonna shake down that way. I have to admit, I'm ready for change, but over the last 4 months I have met some amazing people who have really gotten me through some tough times, and I will miss them. Not to mention that I won't get my nursing degree completed before we go, BUT the silver lining is this... I was accepted into UNC, and that is a pretty good deal! So, for the next 6 months I can relax for a bit and then I have to hit the ground running again in the summer. Yay! I still hate moving! So I'm taking 10!

OK... So rant over, let me tell you my story... I posted a picture a few days back with C,B, &A. :) You see, I was trying to get a cute picture of the three of them for our Christmas card (bear with me people if you don't get a card until New Year, I think the packers packed them up. Ha ha ha). The picture I posted was one of the better ones.... You see, Miss A has really come into her own little personality. :) We placed her on a little box so that she wasn't so little sitting next to the boys. Well, this was awesome to her!!!! She tried to jump off it, stand on it, oh and....

 Sample our brother's hair gel... Yep, she really liked to lick his hair gel. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Or she was easily distracted by older brother C's lack of hair gel, and was totally annoyed that he put his arm around her so that she couldn't hop off. :) Thats' my girl though... Not the itty bitty I posted pictured of back in April. She is out in full force! Santa beware!!! This little one is on the move!!!

I am back... And Alive!!!

Well I am for the moment, but I will be hopping on and off over the next two weeks between a move and Finals! Yes, I have 2 finals over the next two weeks, a baby AND we are a mobile Army family.... Stay tuned for details and check back soon! :)

I cannot wait to blog again... I have missed you, my dear blog!!! :)

Here is a Christmas teaser.... I have a very cute story behind this photo... Stay tuned. :)