That seems to be my husband these days. All I can think about is how old I will be through this pregnancy and "High Risk" keeps flashing through my mind. M seems okay with everything. Nothing seems to really phase him anymore than it phased him with the first two. I on the other hand am a wreck!!! I keep prepping myself for if something goes wrong like I miscarry or what if a test comes back wonky? I talk to some of my friends that have had babies later in life and to be honest, the words of guidance are not too reassuring.
Today for example, I talked to a friend who used the same OB I am using and of course she was 35 when she had her son so she was "high risk" and she told me about the amniocentesis she had done and all of the Non-Stress testing she had to have done. By the end of the conversation, I just wanted to cry. I never worried about an amnio with either of my other two simply because I wasn't going to abort a pregnancy if the baby wasn't perfect. And I don't know how that would change now??? I have several local friends that have handicap children and it doesn't bother me so why would I do it this time either? I guess maybe she made it sound like I could have a really sick kid or something and suddenly I was scared! Really really scared. So when I brought the conversation up with M he was very relaxed and says, " No, you won't have an amnio with this baby either. It doesn't matter what faults the baby has because we love all of our children no matter what."
I also think back to the friend that just had a baby and had a stroke. OMG!!! She is 29 and I am 34!!! Surely my risk is higher than hers!!! M was calm and says, " We can't predict what might happen tomorrow or 7 months from now. Don't worry about it." Well, I am! Never was with either child before, but I seriously am now!
I am not calm cool and collected this go round. I am nervous! More nervous this go round than when I had a European doctor that spoke about 5 English words the whole pregnancy with B, and I had to get everything translated at our base. Sigh... At least I am not trolling the Internet for every scary thing that can happen. Thank goodness! But I really could use a little calm cool and collected that comes from my dear husband!
1 comment:
My sweet friend - I know you are anxious. Please know that God already knows everything about your baby "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." God has created you, chosen you, and is going to BLESS you through this pregnancy. He loves you too much to leave you in a state of fear!
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