Compassion, Love and Letting Go...

Last night I had an "IM" conversation with my dear friend, Amber. She is going through a rough time with a very close and dear friend that to her is like a second mother. Amber's second mom is dying of cancer.

Those of you who know me know that I walked this same journey not that long ago. It saddens me that anyone has to walk this journey because truth be known it is a very emotional journey to walk for those of us that are left behind.

When my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, at first is wasn't so bad. She still drove to visit us, and would spend several days with us especially when M was gone for long periods of time for work. The time with just her and the boys was wonderful. I loved that time! I guess my Mom knew she would be terminal in not long because she would sense when things were off in my world and she would give me direction without even being asked. The words were kind and loving.... Not that they weren't before just that it seemed like she needed to pass on guidance.

Toward the end, Mom just couldn't do it any more... Days were arduous and she spent time sleeping and when she wasn't sleeping she was in pain. Mom fought the pain because she wanted to enjoy the people in her life, and the drugs weighed her down induced in a comma. I had a prayer bowl... In the prayer bowl I made three prayers. The first was when Mom was diagnosed... Please God, do not take her away from me suddenly. Do not cause great pain... Let us say goodbye. The second prayer was a plea to find a cure. To make the bad news disappear... To heal her. The third, was to make the pain and suffering end... To take her so that she could be whole again. I remember feeling guilty about the third prayer. I said goodbye to my Mom long before she relied on the coma inducing drugs, but as she laid there I remember whispering in her ear that I loved her and that is was okay to let go. She leaned back over and said, "But I will miss you." In 3 days, Mom was gone.

My friend, Amber speaks of her friend's family and the emotions they are going through. I remember going through those same emotions. It's a horrible feeling really... To wish of a crossing over. Anger that is directed at God for taking a good person, and yourself for not being able to continue the fight, anger that you can't heal or kiss away the "boo boo", the emotions are maddening!!! It's hard for me now... What encouraging words can I offer to make it better for my friend or the family? And I'm angry that my Mom isn't here to help. Last night I all short of begged her to come to me in my dreams to help me out on so many levels! But this is my lesson, and my plight ti figure out.

I offer up prayers to Amber and her family and the family of her friend. Compassion to be there and walk the walk into the Valley of the Shadow of Death. It isn't easy. It's probably the hardest thing one can ever do. I love you, my dearest friend Amber. Your journey will change you, but be comforted in this... She will be watching, rejoicing in the absence of pain. And she will be there to greet you one day to rejoice in your re-uniting!


This is my Mom and I circa 1980-ish at the farm in PA. Gotta love the outhouse in the background. :) I love this picture because my Mom was full of life, and always being silly for pictures. I miss you, Mom!